Not the first time,

So last night I was up at one-something in the morning. I had a bit of tummy problems and couldn't sleep. I was about to get up and take something for the pain and such, but as I was about to get up, I saw it.

What is it? Well, the best I can say is that it was white and was an "outline sketch" of a person. I can't confirm it's a person, because my glasses were off, but as I looked at it, the thing moved toward the door in the room and disappeared.

Now, it could have been car lights from outside dancing along the bedroom wall, but at 1 am?!? Anyway, I would think nothing of it, except...

This is not the first time I've seen something like it in the house! I should put a caveat on that, as the first time I saw it, I was not actually in the house. I was outside with the dogs during a lunch break and getting some fresh air.

Anyway, I am standing on the step of the patio out back, and as I looked back toward the house, I saw what I can describe as a white figure leaning forward and looking out the kitchen window at me. As I caught sight of it, it ducked to my left or its right. Now, I could write that off as reflection, except my motion of turning my head and looking toward the window causes all reflections to go the OPPOSITE direction.

The whole thing interests me in two ways. First is that I like to try to understand that kind of stuff that's unknown. I certainly don't know what "it" is. Secondly is that I have had some ghost experiences that give me more questions than answers. By that, I can certainly sense something. It's that light-headed buzzing sensation that feels like I am being pushed to my left side as if hit/smacked in the head. In some way it's similar to being suddenly drunk.

It's the question that propels us forward. It is in understanding ourselves that gives us the drive and ambition to move in a certain direction. If I don't have answers, all I am left with are questions that leave me stagnant and standing in one place.

Now, I don't know why I sense what I do, or what it is I am actually sensing. A search on the internet has proven neither helpful or trustworthy which leads me to think that there's something quite unusual going on.

I do have to apologize to everyone I have ever told the story to, because in recent hindsight, what I said is not true anymore.

It was in college when it happened. I was reading the book of isaiah for old testament class and reading about half the book in one sitting. Anyway, as I was reading around the part where the prophet isaiah was looking on the back of the head of god, I felt something that literally shook my world. It started as an understanding. I could truly understand who god was and why he does what he does. As I did so it felt like there was a powerful presence in the room and I describe it as "it's as if the ceiling opened up and an eye was looking at me". Well, I am going to take that part back, because I didn't have a better way to describe it. Basically I was moved by some spiritual energy, not all that different from my experience in lemp mansion where I can only assume was a ghost near me.

So we can take that in for a second. There was a spirit in my dorm room with me.

I can only use "spirit" as I can't define exactly what causes the sensation. It could be a ghost, an angel, or I don't know. All I can say is that it was something. It defined my beliefs and it gave me a much greater understanding of how it all works "in regards to God". Then again, I could totally be wrong on it all.

If that's the case that I am wrong, then I need to figure this light-headed buzzing thing out sooner than later. It would be a horror to find out that all my simplistic beliefs are a fabricated lie by a malevolent spirit. By that, I mean that my beliefs are that since God is infinite, he must be infinitely complex, which means that as finite beings on this planet, we can't possibly understand or attain what God really wants out of us. In that conclusion, it is by the most simplistic of means and manners that by acceptance of a "gift from god" is all that is required of us.

The way I have been moving through life is that it's almost like I don't even have a control over what happens next. It's akin to sitting in a wagon riding backwards while someone else (say God) is pulling me along. If you were to ask me how I got to where I am, I would have to tell you that I don't know, but it's not by my doing.

It's not exactly comforting knowing that, but then again, it's a difference between a door you have to pull open and those automatic doors at the supermarket. Either the door opens for you as a convenience or you have to take the initiative and open it yourself. I am not sure in the whole scheme of things which one is better. Maybe they both are.